Marcus and I are so close in age that we grew up somewhat competing for attention. As you know, Marcus is so charismatic, funny, and charming that there really was no contest. Very early in my life, I realized I was destined to have a quiet life living in Marcus’s shadow. Even at the age of 3, Marcus was stealing all of my friends. Even with that, Marcus initially didn’t take much interest in me.
High school was a very important time in Marcus’s life. Although Marcus always had many friends, he started to struggle to define his role and place in life. Marcus and his close friend Truman decided that they would benefit from going to work at a Youth Development Program in Hawaii picking pineapple. When Marcus got there, he realized that he was in a much different situation than the other kids who were forced to go there by their parents because of breaking the law, serving probation, or for other serious transgressions. He came back disappointed that he had not had the growth experience he had hoped for.
When Marcus came home from working in Hawaii, I was also having a difficult time and things were only getting worse for me. Being very shy and reserved, I had no good friends, the friends I did have were not good influences on me. I was so depressed and miserable most of the time. I still did well in school but I had no real aspirations and I had no self-confidence.
Then, Marcus decided to take an interest in me and be my friend. Marcus was not only a friend but was also my mentor, a role he would play over and over again for many of you. In fact, I was perhaps one of Marcus’s first and longest projects as a mentor/friend. He invited me to be a part of his friends, run cross-country, play soccer with him, play basketball with him, go to parties with him, go to football games with him, sing in Choir with him, act in plays with him, and do whatever else with him that he was doing. We were rarely separated after that.
Also at this time, Marcus started to see an opportunity to expand his influence. Marcus’s charisma and sense of humor were irresistible, no matter who you were or what kind of group you thought you belonged to. Marcus’s friendship seemed to extend to the popular, those involved in sports, those in music, those who excelled in academics, but especially to those who no one else noticed. He really made the high school seem like a place where cliques did not exist. Marcus was truly everyone’s friend and the best kind of friend you could have.
During this time, Marcus’s influence and friendship changed me in a way that I could have never imagined. I started to make friends of my own, I started to feel included, I gained confidence in myself, I learned to like myself, I saw how wonderful it was to be someone else’s friend and to help them. I saw my life in a new way and would never be the same again. Without him, I don’t know that I would have continued to stay active or even stay in school.
In addition, Marcus was my biggest fan. Every time I did anything noteworthy, he was so proud. He was always the loudest one cheering for me at cross-country meets, the first to encourage me to try out for something, the first to defend me if someone talked ill of me or threatened me. I still remember how proud of me he was when I left for medical school and how excited he was for me. He continues to love telling people how proud he is of me to whoever will listen.
Marcus taught me to love people. He taught me how good it feels to make a new friend, how to help someone who is down, and what it means to be a true friend. He truly taught me to have a healing heart and it is largely because of him that I have learned to serve other people and to choose a career in serving others.
Shortly after high school, Marcus started to prepare for serving a mission. He was excited to have a chance to help others through his ability to befriend and mentor and to serve his Heavenly Father whom he believed loved him. Marcus put in his papers for his mission twice but was not able either time to stay prepared long enough to be able to go. Shortly after that, Marcus met his sweetheart, Colleen, and she became the focus of his life. She filled a hole and a need in Marcus that he had been feeling for a long time, to be united with one best friend always.
Since Marcus and Colleen have been married, they have had the opportunity to make many more friends and for Marcus’s incredible influence to continue to grow. At the same time, I know Marcus has struggled to feel God’s love for him and to feel an assurance that God has a plan for him. I know it has been hard for him because life has not always been kind or fair to him. It has been so painful for me to see and discuss his doubts with him in Heavenly Father’s love and plan for him. I have wanted so badly to be able to help him to know of our Heavenly Father’s love and for Marcus to have greater faith and confidence in His plan. I have struggled so much to know what I could do to help him feel our Heavenly Father’s love more and for Marcus to have more happiness and peace and comfort in his life for all the struggles he has gone through. I have felt a failure many times for not being able to help Marcus more with his doubts and pains and insecurities. How I wanted to help him!
These last several months since Marcus has contracted cancer, I have seen an incredible outpouring of love by all of you for him and for what his friendship has meant to all of you over the years. I have seen how much you love him and how so many of you have told me how much he has helped you on countless occasions. Two weeks ago, I told Marcus how thankful I was for this experience of so many reaching out to him to tell him how much he has helped them and meant to them. I am thankful because in this setting, Marcus has had a chance to know how you really feel about him at a time when we knew it may be our final chance to express it to him and he would truly believe what a great man he was.
When I heard of Marcus’s death, I felt pained that I had not been able to help him to know how much His Heavenly Father loved him and appreciated him. I was especially pained because I felt that Marcus was just beginning to feel Heavenly Father’s love through all of your recent loving kindnesses. For the last few days, everything reminded me of Marcus and it was torture because of how much I missed him and how much I wanted him to be happy. I couldn’t stand the thought of him dying alone and it deeply pained me. I could barely function at work. I could not go running when Marcus had been looking so forward to running and being healthy again. I prayed and prayed for some solace or some understanding of why he was taken from us in this way. I thought I would never feel peace and comfort again.
Then, it happened. I sat in church Sunday morning and started to feel the spirit. All of the sudden, the pain left. I asked Heavenly Father how this could be. He told me that I didn’t need to be in pain anymore because he loves Marcus more than any of us do. That was the answer. He really does love Marcus more than any of us can love him. He does have a plan for him and his salvation and happiness and he always did. Then, I asked Him why he did this, why He took him from us in this way. He said he did it because he needed to, in order to help Marcus to grow in his faith and in his understanding of God’s love for him. Later, I realized what a wonderful thing Heavenly Father had done in taking Marcus home to Himself when I friend of mine made a comment to me about how God needed to take him home to teach him things he couldn’t learn of here in this life. When she said that, I really felt the spirit and I now know it to be true. God really did take Marcus home to give him comfort and love that Marcus could not experience here in this life. I said to my friend, I really just want Marcus to be happy. Then, my friend said to me, “He is happy, and someday God will allow Marcus a chance to communicate to you how happy he is.” Again, the spirit gave me a feeling to know that was true also.
I know Heavenly Father loves us. I know He loves Marcus (even more than I love him if that’s possible). I know He has a plan for Marcus for his salvation. I know his death was part of that plan. I know that Heavenly Father is showing His love to Marcus, even now (though I am not sure how). I know that Jesus Christ is our Savior and Redeemer. I know that through his atoning sacrifice that all our pains and sorrows can and will be relieved through faith in Him and that no sin or transgression is too great to be made clean through His atonement. I know that we can all again and live with Jesus, our Heavenly Father, and with Marcus again someday. May we all be worthy of it, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
